Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
