Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
