Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
