after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
