Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
