shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
