Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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