My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
