I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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