I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
