I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
