Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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