Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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