can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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