Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
