Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
