I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
