He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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