Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
