margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
