I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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