no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
