i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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