I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
