Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
love makes seman taste better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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