yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
