I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
not ubering you a puppy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
