If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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