someone get that fucking seahorse.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
