I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
