His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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