I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
