and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
