I looked at my own cervix.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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