never play flip cup with pint glasses
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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