don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
