their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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