what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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