did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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