I just pynch a tree in the face
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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