ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
