Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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