after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
