god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
