Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
