I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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