My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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