I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
