i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
