I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
