When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
