I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
