I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
