If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Come on in and take your pants off
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