i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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