i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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