The maid of honor just puked.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
